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October 7th, 2004


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08:03 am - In the nature of an experiment


Tuesday afternoon, my stomach was killing me. Actually, I say "my stomach" when I actually mean "my entire abdomen." It could, for all I know, have been my spleen that actually hurt, but it sure felt like my entire abdominal cavity. It felt as though my digestive system was filled to almost-bursting with concrete, and if I were to move too fast, it would all come bursting out like that thing in Alien. I made the mistake of doing a little "hop" in place to see if I could jog like this, and almost fell down. It was excruciating.

I was a little bit worried, because when I pressed in on my stomach and let off really quickly, the letting off hurt a lot more than the pressing in. My doctor had once told me that this could be a sign of peritonitis, so it concerned me a bit. When I thought about calling the doctor, though, I remembered my last trip to the ER, and the subsequent doctor's visit (when they could squeeze me in three weeks later), and figured why bother? Honestly, why bother? There's probably nothing wrong, or this is a passing thing. It's probably something I ate.

So, I just took a hot bath and went to bed early. I spent the night waking myself up every time I moved. Obviously, my subconscious was helping me to stay in one place as much as possible, because every time I woke up, another one of my limbs was asleep. Around three AM, the dog jumped up on the bed, and I petted him briefly before Charlie kicked him off. "Ohhhoww" was the watchword of the evening.

By yesterday afternoon around 5 or so, I wasn't in such bad shape. The last thing I'd eaten before this happened was homemade pizza about 24 hours prior. Now, I haven't had pizza of any kind in a very long time. Generally, I have problems with fatty things, and it doesn't get much fattier than pizza. (Or at least, a good pizza. MmmmMMmmm...fatty!) And spicy things. (And this was a spicy pepperoni pizza.) So, of course, I suspected the pizza.

But was it the pizza? I really had no way to know other than circumstantial evidence, and you know that circumstantial evidence won't hold up in a court of law. How could I convict Charlie's homemade pizza without examining all the angles and making sure?

I considered this for awhile. As I said, I wasn't in bad shape, and I hadn't eaten anything since Monday, so I was pretty hungry.

And there was that other half of the aforementioned pizza left over and sitting in the fridge.

And it was calling to me.

The more I thought about it, the more I decided I had to know. Could I eat pizza, or would pizza, in its cold and calculating wickedness blow out my digestive system? If I finished the pizza, I reasoned, I would be reproducing the elements of what I ate before I got sick. If I got sick, then I'd know it was the pizza that caused it, and pizza would be officially off my list. If not, then I'd know it was just my screwy GI tract acting up for no apparent reason in an attempt to FRAME the innocent pizza!

Well, I couldn't just hang the pizza without a fair trial now, could I? Could you? Of course not! We are enlightened and justice-loving people.

And so, having mostly recovered from the pain, I finished off the pizza.

I'll let you know this evening whether or not it was a good idea. :-)

(21 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:yourdemonlover
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:05 am (UTC)
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What a great country, where the rights of even the most suspicious-seeming foodstuffs are upheld. *sniff*

[wanders off humming "God Bless America," or the Round Table Pizza jingle, or something]
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:07 am (UTC)
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Hahahaha!

America: What a country!
[User Picture]
From:nephratari
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:06 am (UTC)
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*ack*

I hope that you don't get sick again hon. :(

[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:08 am (UTC)
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Yeah, me too. But damn, that was good pizza. :-)
From:citizen_gkar
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:18 am (UTC)
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I'd *boggle* or something, but honestly I ordered pizza last night after spending the day...aggressively emptying the warehouse, so to speak. Granted, I stuck it in the 'fridge, because I really just wanted the Sprite that came with it.

But it's somewhat analagous, in that we are both risking our digestive systems with pepperoni goodness.

*eyeballs the 'fridge again*
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:22 am (UTC)
(Link)
The Pizza! It calllssss to usssss!

Pizza is no match for the power of the Dark Side!

hahahaha!
From:citizen_gkar
Date:October 7th, 2004 09:24 am (UTC)
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No, but it complements it nicely. Helps make up for all these dreary outfits I have to wear.
[User Picture]
From:passion_nymph
Date:October 7th, 2004 11:20 am (UTC)
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NOW I WANT PIZZA.

Thanks.

Guess this means a gym trip after rehearsal.

Thanks ALOT. Grr.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 11:31 am (UTC)
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No, no. Don't have pizza. Have something healthy.

Like a nice MUFFIN!
[User Picture]
From:passion_nymph
Date:October 7th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC)
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AUGH!

Sushi?

No, I want pizza. And I want BAD pizza. Dominos pizza... Weird cravings.
[User Picture]
From:cookiegirlie
Date:October 7th, 2004 11:25 am (UTC)
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Guess what I'm making for lunch. *L*

I still blame all that ice cream, but you knew that.

Keep us posted, sweetie.
[User Picture]
From:sushirob
Date:October 7th, 2004 11:39 am (UTC)
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Only MrsV would call a Bobolli "Homemade Pizza"

[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 12:16 pm (UTC)
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Dude.

You just get the Boboli crust.

You have to PUT the pizza sauce ON the crust!

Then you have to put on the MUSHROOMS.

And the CHEESE.

And the Pepperoni!

And you have to COOK it!

In the OVEN.

How is that NOT "homemade?"

Sheesh.

Snob.
[User Picture]
From:sushirob
Date:October 7th, 2004 12:23 pm (UTC)
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ill bet it was presliced pepperoni and cheese too, and jar sauce.

I may be a snob, but at least I make _real_ homemade pizza.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 12:27 pm (UTC)
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Maybe you didn't hear me.

I said "We had to PUT it IN THE OVEN."

The OVEN!!!

To BAKE.

It's not like it just came from Domino's.

I mean, good GOD, Man! THE OVEN, I tell you!
From:citizen_gkar
Date:October 7th, 2004 12:30 pm (UTC)
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If it's not delivery and you have to wait for it to be done, it's homemade. ;)
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 7th, 2004 12:32 pm (UTC)
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If it's not delivery and you have to wait for it to be done, it's homemade. ;)

Damn straight!

Tell 'im, G'kar!
From:ipuhlot
Date:October 7th, 2004 04:40 pm (UTC)
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Mushrooms?
Death Pizza...
:::back away slowly:::
From:citizen_gkar
Date:October 7th, 2004 12:27 pm (UTC)
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I tossed down a couple of pieces for lunch. I felt like puking at the time, but now that the experience is behind me, I'm less inclined to do so.

Stay tuned!
[User Picture]
From:yourdemonlover
Date:October 7th, 2004 03:57 pm (UTC)
(Link)
It wouldn't have been so bad if you'd chewed it, rather than just tossing it down. You must have heard your parents wrong -- you won't go blind if you MASTICATE.
From:ipuhlot
Date:October 7th, 2004 04:42 pm (UTC)
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I was masticating in the front yard today, but the security police drove by and made me stop...

=snicker=

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