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April 8th, 2006


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05:39 pm - The Wrath of Taylor, the Mighty
I was on World of Warcraft, hanging around the auction house with my level 34 warlock trying to sell some extraneous items in-game when my 7-year-old nephew, Taylor wandered in.



"Hey, Tay, what's up?" I asked him.

"We had a game today," he solemnly informed me. Taylor is playing Little League for the first time this year. I think he's moved up to the "farm team" now, which is, they tell me, a promotion of sorts.

"Did you win?" I asked, as I stuck another stack of Minor Healing Potions up for bid.

"No," he said sadly, "They had 5 points and we had 3." He brightened a little and went on, "But last time, WE won."

"Cool," I said, still fiddling around with the game.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked.

"Oh, this is that game I was playing before. Remember? The one where I have that big blue monster guy as a pet? I showed it to you before."

"I don't remember," said Taylor.

"You don't remember the big blue guy, and how I can send him out to attack people?" I asked incredulously. I couldn't figure out how anyone could forget Makmoth, my lovely blue voidwalker.

"Nuh uh," he confirmed.

Well. We certainly couldn't have THAT. I ran out of the auction house and into the middle of Stormwind City. "Check it out," I told Taylor, and I began the spell that would summon the voidwalker. Strange lights flashed and surrounded me in a circle of power with a glowing and rune-inscribed rotating cube above my head.

Poof! Suddenly, Makmoth appeared. A voidwalker. Known affectionately by many players of WoW as "The Blueberry," the voidwalker is a bright, almost royal blue somewhat pear-shaped blob with a lizard-like head, glowing eyes, large powerful arms, and lovely stunning jeweled bracelets.

"Cool!" said Taylor, enraptured. "Is he your pet?"

"Yup."

"What does he do?"

"Well, I can send him out to attack things so they don't get me," I replied. "And if other things come after me, then he'll draw them away."

I ran Ayesha and Makmoth out of Stormwind and into the outskirts of Goldshire. Now, this area is a lower-level area. It's full of Defias Bandits, wolves, giant spiders, and the occasional chicken or cow. Nothing in this area is higher than, perhaps, level 6, and Ayesha and Makmoth being level 34 were in no danger. Plus, it was close, so I thought I'd wander around and show Taylor a bit of the game.

On the way out, Taylor wanted to attack one of the Stormwind Guards. I explained to him, "No, you can't attack good guys. You can only attack bad guys, and those are good guys."

"Oh." He seemed disappointed. I continued running down the road, telling him, "Look for the guys with their names in red. Red means you can get them."

He spotted a bandit wandering by the side of the road. "Get that guy!" he yelled.

"Okay, now, check this out," I told him. "When I click this, it sends the voidwalker after him." I clicked the button for attack and Makmoth went floating down the road after the bandit. "Now, you have to get in at least one shot," I continued, "because if your pet kills something without your help, you can't loot it."

Taylor, having played Everquest with his dad, knew the importance of loot, and nodded soberly. I threw a Curse of Agony on the poor bandit, and he died.

"How do you loot him?" Taylor asked.

"You just run up, and right-click on him, and then it tells you what he has." I demonstrated, while Taylor watched, enraptured. "If the corpse is sparkling like that, it means you can loot it."

"Hey, can I try one?" he asked. I thought about it for a moment, but figured there was no real danger.

"Sure," I said, and sat back from the keyboard.

Taylor grabbed the mouse and the keyboard and went after another bandit like he'd been playing for years. WHACK, WHACK! Another bandit down.

"Hey, a wolf!" he yelled.

WHACK! WHACK! No more wolf.

"Hey, there's no loot on this one!" Taylor was indignant. "But he was sparkling!"

"Well," I tried to think about how to explain it. "If it's sparkling, it means that it's yours, and you're allowed to loot it, but it doesn't mean there's any loot, 'cause sometimes there's not."

"That SUCKS," he stated emphatically. "Hey, a SPIDER!"

Taylor hates spiders. WHACK! WHACK! Spider stew, anyone?

"Can I get that cow?" he asked, and proceeded to go after it.

"Wait," I blurted ... WHACK! Too late. "Um, Tay, you don't go after the cows or the (WHACK!) chickens. They're only level 1 and you don't get any experience for that." I said a mental apology to the unfortunate farmer of Goldshire who formerly owned said cow and chicken.

"Oh, okay," said Taylor.

Suddenly, he spotted an entire camp filled with no less than six Defias bandits. When I was starting out in the game, and was level 4 or 5 or so, this camp had killed me at least three times before I managed to get through them. Revenge, I thought. Revenge will be sweet.

"Hey, let's go get that WHOLE CAMP!" Taylor yelled, and sent Makmoth into the fray.

Yes. Yes indeed, I thought. Let's go GET that whole camp. I grinned smugly in anticipation.

Defias appeared from everywhere, but they were no match for Makmoth and Ayesha, run by Taylor on a killing spree.

It only took about 10 seconds. At this point, the carnage was incredible. Corpses of Defias, wolves, spiders, cows and chickens (sorry, Farmer Brown) littered the countryside like cigarette butts and sno-cone wrappers at the state fairgrounds. Ayesha's packs were filled with low-level loot and a few more coppers. Taylor whipped the camera angle of the game around, seeking more things to attack, but found nothing. He had turned the outskirts of Goldshire into a charnel house, a complete wasteland. It was over.

"Tay, come on, we have to go," came my brother's voice from the other room. Taylor didn't hear. His eyes were glazed with the thrill of victory, as he ran around looking for more things to do.

"Taylor, NOW," yelled his dad. Taylor shrugged, looked at me, reluctantly let go of the mouse, and ran off.

Hell hath no fury like a seven-year-old kid playing a level 34 warlock in a level 5 area after losing a Little League game.

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:cookiegirlie
Date:April 9th, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
(Link)
He is so your nephew. *L*
[User Picture]
From:teh_attack_owl
Date:April 9th, 2006 07:42 am (UTC)
(Link)
You've just created (another) monster.
[User Picture]
From:photog42
Date:April 10th, 2006 05:14 am (UTC)
(Link)
Bwahaha! :D

She just wants to post an excuse in case anyone saw her getting revenge on those bandits.

Next time he's over, introduce him to Stitches. ;)
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:April 10th, 2006 01:01 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Taylor could take Stitches solo, man.

I'm thinking of paying him to level my hunter up to 60 for me some afternoon.
[User Picture]
From:photog42
Date:April 10th, 2006 01:51 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, there's an idea!

S has logged on
L: Hey!
V: Heya!
A: How's it going?
S: OMG WTF LOL I KILLED A COW!!!1

(No offense to Taylor (really!), but that just popped into my head, and you know how that is...)

If you do that, the little rascal would probably beat *me* to 60. You would just have to arrange to have his little league games thrown by someone on the team. "Pst. Hey kid.... Have I got a deal for you!" I'd say offer chocolate, but these days it would probably take something like a PSP.

Oh! You should let him loose in the Stockades. He'd be like a little Mez (or would that be a big Mez?)

Sorry. Had an intense instance of ZF last night and it used up all of my brain juice. The part that determines "good idea" from "bad idea" is on vacation still. Last night, I snuck up on a group of 3 elite trolls, sapped one, and ran back to the group trailing the other two. As I got closer, my brain first noticed that everyone was already occupied with fighting *other* elite trolls, and then that the combat log had been scrolling past with the grunts, cries and screams of battle (well, that's how my brain saw it at that moment. The screams, man! Stop the screaming!), which I was too... something... to have seen until it was too late.

Can you say "wipe", boys and girls? I knew you could.

I just realized that a friend's weblog is the perfect place to unload a case of verbal diarrhea before you mess up your own log.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:April 10th, 2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
(Link)
"(No offense to Taylor (really!), but that just popped into my head, and you know how that is...)"

I'm not actually sure Taylor can type. He hasn't had the reading/writing thing down for that long now, although he can read most of the loot titles. Some of the WoW specific words he has issues with like "Defias".

Haha! I should make him solo Deadmines.

With my level 5 priest.

He could TOTALLY take Van Cleef, man. Totally.

I think he has a PSP, or at least, some kind of portable thing. If PSP's are expensive, he probably has a Gameboy or something.

Anyway, Tay's not really supposed to have sugar, but that kid seriously understands money, and he loves it. I figure I could offer him a buck a level. I bet he would totally go for it. Maybe I'll let him create a character next time he's over so he can have something to play all on his own.

"I just realized that a friend's weblog is the perfect place to unload a
case of verbal diarrhea before you mess up your own log."

BAHAHAHA! Some of my best blog entries began as comments on someone else's blog. :-)

[User Picture]
From:kungfubarbie
Date:April 10th, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC)
(Link)
evil genius thy name is MRS V

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