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The Adventures of Deadly Lampshade: Part XII - $blog = int(rand(@thoughts));

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July 29th, 2004


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01:20 pm - The Adventures of Deadly Lampshade: Part XII
In the meantime, while we relaxed and settled into the comfy couch to watch a bit of TV, Boggs was skulking around the bedroom, his bulk squooshed up under the bed that was almost too low for him to get under, pondering his new circumstance. He knew there was a new addition to the household. He could smell it. He could sense it. There was another creature in his domain, and this creature was definitely not part of his social group. No, his social group consisted only of his sister, Tomo, and the two giant, mutated, and remarkably hairless but nevertheless mostly tolerable other cats.

This other creature didn't quite smell like the other giant mutant bald cats that had stopped by from time to time for a visit. No, somehow, Boggs sensed that this one, while potentially somewhat larger than himself, was still on the small side.

Now, Boggs had always been the more submissive of he and Tomo. Despite his gargantuan size, a sharp bap on the nose and a warning hiss from his tiny sister had always been enough to cow him. Tomo always did have a talent for nose-bapping, he recollected ruefully. Plus, as a baby, Boggs had started out being traumatized by the giant mutant cats wrapping him up in fluffy bindings and forcing him to drink tubefuls of nasty tasting pink fluid. He'd always been a bit wary of the others because of this even though the pink fluid torture stopped shortly after that nagging cough he'd had went away.

On the off chance that this predilection for making him drink yucky stuff was a characteristic of those kinds of cats, he'd always hidden whenever one of them appeared. He'd learned to run away whenever there was a knocking sound against that big square thing in the corner of the house, since that generally heralded a visit. For good measure, he'd always run away when he heard a knocking sound or a sudden noise at all because, after all, you can't be too careful.

And now there was this other thing -- this other creature -- in his domain, and everyone else seemed to think of it as no big deal at all. Had they no conception of how this might affect him and his lifestyle? Didn't they realize that he was a refined and sensitive cat who didn't need this sort of stressful aggravation? How could they bring in someone else who would just end up being one more person to intimidate and threaten him in his OWN HOME?

The more Boggs thought about it, the madder he got. I mean, here he was, taking crap from absolutely everyone for YEARS, and they just bring in some new smelly person and expect him to just lie down and TAKE IT? Oh, sure, Boggs won't mind, they probably thought. Boggs will just roll over or run away like he always does. Good old Boggs. What a fraidy cat.

The two giant cats and Tomo were probably having a good laugh over it all at Boggs' expense right this very minute, he thought. Not to mention the new kid -- whatever it was, it probably figured old Boggs would be low man on the totem pole. Again. Just like always.

Suddenly, something snapped in Boggs' formerly timid and intimidated furry head. He looked back over the course of his life thus far, and was ashamed. Yes, ashamed of his cowardice, his always giving in to others, his shyness. It all flooded over him in a wash of one very, crystalline-clear thought: No More!

No more was Boggs willing to be the low man on the totem pole. This new creature was the last straw, absolutely the final, final, end. Boggs was tired of running, tired of being afraid, and he would, by GOD, let this new creature know who was boss.

He crawled out from under the bed, stretched out, and stalked toward the front room where we, unaware of Boggs' newfound courage and fortitude, sat quietly watching TV and paying little attention to the dog or Tomo.

We certainly weren't expecting Boggs to make an appearance, or at least, not so soon.

(...)

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:cookiegirlie
Date:July 29th, 2004 02:05 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Good for Boogs!!


I'm loving this, btw.


Thank you, sweetie.


* smooooooches *
From:ipuhlot
Date:July 30th, 2004 06:42 am (UTC)
(Link)
:::Waits:::
=sigh=
waiting is hard
[User Picture]
From:magik_vmc
Date:May 17th, 2007 02:08 am (UTC)
(Link)
Please, please, please, for all that is good and holy in the universe, please tell me you finished this story and posted it somewhere else.

Arrrggg!

I was loving it, I laughed, I cried, and then I just about died when I couldn't find the rest of the story on your LJ. What happened?

Well, if you did happen to post the rest somewhere please let me know, I was really hoping to get to the part about the actual "Deadly Lampshade".

BTW, I came to your site via ginmar's blog. I've been a lurker there for years and I've seen your hilarious posts there so decided to check out your personal blog. I hope you don't mind if I friend you.

Thanks!
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:May 17th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Haha! Nope, sorry, I never did finish this. It got way the HELL so far off track of the "Deadly Lampshade" that ... um ... hm. I think I could finish it, but yikes!

Welcome, and friend away! The more the merrier. :-)
[User Picture]
From:diachrony
Date:January 5th, 2008 09:03 am (UTC)
(Link)
::blink blink::

Here I am deeply enthralled in The Shaggy Dog Story Which So Far Contains No Lampshade Whatsoever, Deadly or Not, only to find out it just stops in the great middle area somewhere, and if someone hadn't complained as recently as this year, I would have been just dreadfully confuzzled and itchy about it.

I'm going to make you whisper the Deadly Conclusion in my ear, so to speak. Just you wait.

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