June 2nd, 2006
|06:46 am - Bad Kitty! Part III|
[Part I] [Part II]
Now, granted, when you metaquote something, sometimes it does help to have some context. And while there was a little bit of context (i.e. "ginmar makes a post about how she doesn't care what feminists wear as long as they're feminists"), apparently this was not sufficient to point out that the comment was intended to be humorous.
Sure enough, one of the early posts in the thread gave ginmar ALL the credit for being a bitter, angry, radical, tinfoil-hat-wearing, male-conspiracy pushing, rabid feminist. The fact that the quote wasn't quoting ginmar didn't matter: ginmar was mentioned. Therefore, ginmar was against Hello Kitty.
The Hello Kitty fans began to weigh in, as well as others. Mostly, it seemed that ginmar was still being blamed for my rightful joke! Suddenly, it was turning into something like David Letterman's "President's Joke that is Not a Joke" sketch. Some of the feminists turned on me for adding to the stereotype that feminists care about what people wear! Some of the anti-feminists turned on me for saying that Hello Kitty wasn't feminist!
I had become an anti-feminist and a feminist all at the same time. Out of nowhere. For a few brief moments I was, indeed, all things to all people!
And, best of all, it was all ginmar's fault!
I wondered what else I could have blamed on her simply by posting comments in her blog. The potential for mischief was endless. secret_x_stars was horrified. "I thought metaquoting it would make it more about you," she said to me.
"But did you not KNOW?" I replied, "EVERYTHING is about ginmar!"
Yes, it's a little-known fact that ginmar not only killed the Saviour, but she is also responsible for World War II, the spread of Cancer (as well as Scorpio AND Sagittarius), and the occasional three-legged chicken!
Because of this, the forces for Good in the universe had no choice but to come up with "The Ginmar Drinking Game" in which ALL of the faithful, when seeing "ginmar" posted in ANY context, must immediately post:
"GINMAR IS A BITTER, ANGRY YOUNG WOMAN WHO THINKS ALL MEN ARE RAPISTS"
(caps optional), and then take a drink.
From an anthropological perspective, I suspect this may be akin to the signs used by people to ward off the "Evil Eye" in the 14th century or so.
But, like, instead of warding off the "Evil Eye" they're, like, totally warding off the "Evil Ginmar" and stuff.
But I digress. In the interest of fueling the flames (I was on a roll by now, no going back), I posted "DOWN WITH HELLO KITTY!"
In small text, in the same post, I put "*Except for the fluffy pink Hello Kitty ankle socks, of course. 'Cause, like, they're really comfortable and warm, and therefore utilitarian and practical. And I'm not just saying that because I own two pairs because, COME ON, do you really think I would OWN any Hello Kitty stuff?"
"Is it worth fifty bucks to you to keep that secret," asked ginmar, her eagle eye spotting the fluffy pink socks even in the fine print and obviously seeing a potential "make money online" opportunity.
"Make it sixty, and I'll think about it," I replied with panache.
Ginmar gently explained to me that blackmail did not work that way. Dammit, I always get that "who's paying who" part mixed up. Perhaps that's why my blackmail schemes have not worked out to my financial advantage in the past. I'll have to keep that in mind.
This whole blackmail thing having been clarified, I replied, as, I believe, would anyone in this position, "Um ... what information? It's a FORGERY! I wasn't even THERE! My LJ account was HACKED by ... ummm. RENEGADE NUNS! And ... and ... my HUSBAND posted that just to get me in trouble!!! Oh wait ... he's out of town. Um...Oh! I CATEGORICALLY DENY THE ALLEGATIONS!!!
Hey, LOOK! What's that over there?"
And then I ran away really fast, back to the logic part of the thread.
At this point, another user, one jackytar, had expanded upon the the "all sex is rape" idea, to post the following:
(a) all sex is rape
(b) masturbation is solo sex
masturbation is self-rape.
(except for us men, for whom it's a quick route to hairy palms and Coke-bottle glasses...)
Well. That was, indeed, an epiphany. I had to respond, in the only way possible, to wit: "OMG WE ARE ALL RAPISTS EXCEPT MEN!!!"
There's no escaping logic, after all.
This thread went on through many many posts. There was some serious discussion, and some not so serious. For my part, I was still trying to think up things to blame on ginmar. But that would come a bit later.
[To be continued: Next: "Why puppies and kittens should be outlawed"]
Thank you for finding someone to blame that is not me.
Oh, and do you need a third pair of HK socks?
You can never have enough Hello Kitty socks.
Um ... let's keep that just between you and me, though.
You know, on the down-low.