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August 23rd, 2006


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06:38 pm - Quote of the Day
Today's quote was inspired by a new set of television commercials for Domino's Pizza. Apparently, this excellent gourmet establishment is now offering free mini fudge brownies with the purchase of a large pizza. To illustrate this, the commercial shows a Domino's delivery person appearing at the well-kept, upper-middle-class home of a lovely and tidily dressed woman and what is apparently her little girl. Accompanying said delivery person is a three-foot-tall brown, fuzzy, and somewhat matted squareish thing with legs.

Said brown square is introduced as "Fudgeums."


The aforementioned lovely and tidily dressed woman shakes hands with Fudgeums.

She pulls her hand back covered with a rather messy brown liquidy substance that I suppose is supposed to be chocolate. (Dear God I HOPE it's supposed to be chocolate. The alternative is just ... no, no. Too horrible to contemplate. Especially with that cute Carole Little vest she's wearing.)

She stares at her hand in horror for a second, then emits a high-pitched nervous giggle.

The delivery person looks a bit embarrassed.

Suddenly, the little girl runs up and throws a hug on Fudgeums.

She backs off, and is covered from head to toe in the same messy brown liquidy substance, making her appear as though she's been in a chocolate syrup fight or a mud wrestling pit. (Or perhaps on a slip-n-slide trip through the local sewers. It's that kind of brown.)

More giggling ensues, while the woman is obviously not quite sure what to do with the affected hand.

The delivery person leaves, followed closely by Fudgeums who leaves brown footprints all the way down the neat and clean concrete walkway. In a Leave It to Beaver tone of voice, the woman says "Ohhhh, FUDGEums!"

It was at this point that, after a brief silence, Charlie turned and said to me what I would now like to share with you.

As the Quote of the Day.

And that is this:

"If Fudgeums came to my door, I'd put a fucking bullet in him."

And really, what wiser and more profound words were ever spoken?

(18 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:plklives
Date:August 24th, 2006 03:07 am (UTC)
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Ha! That is awesome.

But, what would you do with the dead fugeum? If you left it on the porch, it would surely attract ants. You couldn't drag it off somewhere because that would mean touching it and being covered in its goo. If the dogs ate it, they would get sick. I think what you have to do is kill it with a weapon of so much force that it is blown back past your property line.
[User Picture]
From:neintales
Date:August 24th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC)
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Could likely rake/squeegee it off the porch.. so at least hand contact isn't needed?

Honestly, I have no idea where some of those marketing types get this kind of idea..

(Though I have an "Avoid the Noid" button on my backpack from the 80's...)
[User Picture]
From:plklives
Date:August 24th, 2006 03:54 am (UTC)
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True. Could rent a power washer and spray it off. Maybe it would even dissolve?

Ooh, I remember those Avoid the Noid buttons! Jealous!
[User Picture]
From:neintales
Date:August 24th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
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I found it for a quarter at a garage sale. Also a Bon Jovi and a Duran Duran button.

Who could resist?
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:August 24th, 2006 02:13 pm (UTC)
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Marketing people smoke a lot of weed, drink a lot, and spend a lot of time on the Internet reading Fark.

At least, the ones that come up with things like Fudgeums do.

I have no other explanation.
From:ipuhlot
Date:August 24th, 2006 04:18 pm (UTC)
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I want to work for that company... :)
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:August 24th, 2006 02:11 pm (UTC)
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Hm.

Now where'd I put that Claymore mine?

Maybe a light anti-tank rocket would work too ... decisions, decisions ...
[User Picture]
From:sushirob
Date:August 24th, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
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I think the purity of cleansing fire is the only way to go.
[User Picture]
From:photog42
Date:August 24th, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
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Gets my vote.
[User Picture]
From:neintales
Date:August 24th, 2006 03:21 am (UTC)
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Ok. Well I'm just hyper and inordinately proud of my new LJ icon.. what would you do if a Pogo-Chilla was at your door looking for his leopard?
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:August 24th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
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Put a fucking bullet in him, of course.

BWAHAHAHA!!!
[User Picture]
From:cookiegirlie
Date:August 24th, 2006 04:48 am (UTC)
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I really do love your husband.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:August 24th, 2006 02:11 pm (UTC)
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He's a keeper.
[User Picture]
From:kungfubarbie
Date:August 24th, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
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lmfao

that's genius
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:August 24th, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC)
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"I love you, Fudgeums!"

*KABOOM*

"Ohhhh, FUDGEums!"

"Honey, get the fucking Ajax. We got work to do!"
[User Picture]
From:alberonn
Date:August 24th, 2006 09:24 pm (UTC)
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*dies laughing*
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:August 24th, 2006 10:44 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, that was about my reaction too. :-)
From:escaping_scream
Date:August 30th, 2006 10:02 am (UTC)
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hahaha thats fucking funny as

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