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October 9th, 2006


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05:13 pm - Microsoft has a Real Problem
That's right, I've said it: Microsoft has a serious problem. I don't even understand how they can manage to sell software to people without being inundated with requests for refunds! I mean, this flaw I've just discovered is unbelievable. I simply cannot believe that in a country like America, with the billions of dollars available to Microsoft, they let this serious issue out the door.

I think you all know where I'm going with this.

That's right: the Microsoft Word spell checker does not recognize the word "squooshed."

No, no, I understand. I couldn't believe it myself at first. Honestly, I thought perhaps I'd just spelled it wrong. But then, when I went to correct it, the only choices it had were "squashed" and "squished," which, of course we all know, are COMPLETELY different concepts from "squooshed."

Honestly, this wouldn't have been so bad. It's just one word after all, right? No big deal -- probably just an oversight.

Or so I THOUGHT!

Until I noticed that the Microsoft Word spell checker also does not recognize "yadda yadda!" It wanted me to change it to "Addax Addax" or "Dada Dada" or, in a completely freakish turn of events, "yards yards." Now, I ask you: how in the world am I supposed to write a story about someone who talks along forever without saying anything? How am I supposed to write about some kind of newfangled TV Infomercial device that I don't quite know the name of? In fact, how am I supposed to write anything without once using the phrase "yadda yadda?"

It's ... it's just monstrous, that's what it is!

Microsoft is interfering with my freedom of expression at the very deepest and most personal level. I simply couldn't let this pass, and so I felt I had to speak out. You, my friends, now you know the evil that Microsoft is attempting to inflict upon us with its Word software.

"Well, I never use the word 'yadda yadda' or 'squooshed,'" you may say in a condescending little voice. "Why should I care about this?"

Well. Do you like sushi? If so, you should know that Word also does not recognize unagi, tobiko, or (and I am not kidding around here), wasabi! You just go try to write about what you had for lunch at the all-you-can-eat Sushi bar. Go ahead. I'll wait. Oh, you're back, are you?

I guess now you'll see what I mean.

And if that is not horrifying enough for you, Word also does not recognize the word "whatsis." Or "Vrooom." Or "nookie." Or "Quod Erat Demonstrandum." Or, perhaps worst and most tragic of all, "Google."

I mentioned this to Charlie, but he, not being a programmer and obviously having been brainwashed by the conglomerate, did not (if you can believe it) see this as a big deal.

"Oh, yeah," he said, "that happens all the time. I just add it."

"You just add it," I said, incredulously, unwilling to believe that he had just caved in like that.

"Yeah," he went on, "like I probably have about fifty versions of 'hehehe' in there by now."

The tragedy of this fine and brave man, a veteran of more than one combat situation, being crushed by this unreasonable software design nearly brought tears to my eyes.

You see, now. Yes, I think you see the true evil that is Microsoft. I mean, forget that monopoly and unfair competition stuff -- that's small potatoes. Everyone does that. It's just part of the industry.

But when you interfere with my words, my beautiful, lovely, wonderful words, well then: we're going to have issues.

In short, you can have my "squooshed" when you pry it from my cold, dead yadda yadda.

And that, my friends, you can take to the bank.

(29 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:neintales
Date:October 10th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
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... well my monitor needed cleaning anyways.

I lurv your journal.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
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Heh. I have my moments. :-)
[User Picture]
From:alberonn
Date:October 10th, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
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Google doesn't like "squooshed" either. It tells me it thinks I mean "squished".
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 02:20 pm (UTC)
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Google is just misguided, not evil.
[User Picture]
From:alberonn
Date:October 10th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
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Of course. Google can't be evil.
[User Picture]
From:stardragonca
Date:October 17th, 2006 04:14 pm (UTC)
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Try googling "Tianamen Square" in Beijing.
Woah unto Nineveh!
[User Picture]
From:banshree
Date:October 10th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC)
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Well, Merriam-Webster agreed with "squooshed":

squoosh
One entry found for squoosh.
Main Entry: squoosh
Pronunciation: 'skwush, 'skwüsh
Function: verb
Etymology: alteration of squash
: SQUASH, CRUSH

but, they did not have "yadda yadda", but they did have "yada yada" which is how I've seen it spelled before.

yada yada
One entry found for yada yada.
Main Entry: ya·da ya·da
Variant(s): or yad·da yad·da /'yä-d&-'yä-d& /; or yada yada yada or yadda yadda yadda /-'yä-d&/
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of earlier yatata idle chatter, probably ultimately from British dialect and argot yatter-yatter to chatter, of imitative origin
: boring or empty talk -- often used interjectionally especially in recounting words regarded as too dull or predictable to be worth repeating

Wikipedia didn't have yadda yadda, but they did have yada yada.

Is this any help to you? :P I know, I know, I'm being a smartass! hee hee
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 02:02 am (UTC)
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Merriam-Webster is obviously in on the conspiracy.

I'll bet you didn't know that Merriam-Webster is owned by Microsoft Corporation.

And so is Wikipedia.

Did you? DID YOU???
[User Picture]
From:stardragonca
Date:October 17th, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC)
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And Pepsi! And Ikea. And the metric system. And they put fluoride in the water. And in ice cream.Little children's ice cream! *weeps*
[User Picture]
From:sushirob
Date:October 10th, 2006 01:42 am (UTC)
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Another 523 words.
[User Picture]
From:ktkatrina
Date:October 10th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC)
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I could go look in my last several food column docs and get you another dozen words if you want... And yeah, one was a asian fusion place with lots of sushi. Is it sad that I use google to spellcheck individual words?
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC)
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I'm surprised they know about "pie" and "cake" and "deep-fried Oreos."

Fuckers.
[User Picture]
From:stardragonca
Date:October 17th, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC)
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No,because I do that.
You be amazed how often this doesn't work.
(Google a known misspelling sometime.Then lament.)
[User Picture]
From:photog42
Date:October 10th, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)
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Here's a challenge for you: Write an entire log entry using only words that do not appear in Microsoft's spell checker. I'll let you have some of the basics, like "the", "of", "a", etc.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 02:25 pm (UTC)
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Okay, well, here's where it gets REALLY evil. See, I could win your little challenge by writing an entry entirely in Japanese, but Microsoft recognizes the word "ii". Now, how the hell am I supposed to write an entry without saying something like, "Kyou wa ii tenki desu ne?" Seriously. They just pick and CHOOSE! I bet if you took the English words they don't have and the Japanese words they DO have, it would spell out a secret message to the TERRORISTS about the location of the secret weapons base on Tattooine!

No one believes me, and yet I must preach this word about Word for the benefit of humanity.
[User Picture]
From:photog42
Date:October 10th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC)
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I've read that society's reactions to radical new ideas go through the same stages as a person does when dealing with grief: denial, fear, anger, and finally acceptance.

I think you are somehow managing to exist in all of the first three stages at the same time. Don't worry; in time, you'll come to accept Microsoft as your master as the rest of the world has. (Except Stallman, the nut. You don't want to be another RMS, do you? DO YOU???!?!?)

This message is approved by the Microsoft FUD Commission FNORD
[User Picture]
From:plklives
Date:October 10th, 2006 04:19 am (UTC)
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Considering the amount of HD space that stupid program takes up, it is a damn shame they didn't decide to use a bigger dictionary. I mean, honestly.

Also, Microsoft already owns me, so I have an agreement with them to never use words they don't already have in their spellchecker.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC)
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Wow. You're right. Microsoft thinks "HD" is a word.
[User Picture]
From:plklives
Date:October 10th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC)
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When you give in to The Microsoft and merge with it, all desire to spell anything else falls away.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 02:26 pm (UTC)
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Oh, and you misspelled "pwns."
[User Picture]
From:plklives
Date:October 10th, 2006 03:18 pm (UTC)
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I pwn j00, n00b!

Oh no, I should not have done that. I hear it coming for me, clanking and thumping up the street. It's ... coming to eat me! NOoooooooooo!
[User Picture]
From:diachrony
Date:October 10th, 2006 08:28 pm (UTC)
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What is this thing called spellcheck?

I pwn Microsoft. I have never, ever, ever used their damn spellchecker.

Oh gawd ... this is probably going to be the last comment I ever make on the internets. I'll just be quietly vanished now, won't I? Rebels like me can't be allowed to continue!

Been nice knowin' ya.
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 10th, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC)
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~sob~

Rest in peace, oh valiant rebel warrior!

You shall not be forgotten!
[User Picture]
From:stardragonca
Date:October 17th, 2006 04:09 pm (UTC)
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Future generations shall hang their heads in shame,and curse themselves,that such heroes no longer walk among them.
[User Picture]
From:yourdemonlover
Date:October 11th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
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Reminds me of my days as a proofreader. Our dear colleague Hugo had to implore me, more than once, "J, please to not to change my vords."
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 11th, 2006 10:58 pm (UTC)
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How could you not? MS Word also does not understand "vords."

Or "boogie voogie," for that matter.

Bill Gates is obviously not a fan of the Red Elvises.

And that right there should tell you something.
[User Picture]
From:stardragonca
Date:October 17th, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
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No wasabi?
Death to tyranny!
Why does Radical come from the same root as radish?
Because this is how it starts.
You want our pickled roots?
Μολών Λαβέ !
[User Picture]
From:mrsveteran
Date:October 17th, 2006 04:28 pm (UTC)
(Link)
RADICAL RADISHISTS, UNITE!

FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!!
[User Picture]
From:stardragonca
Date:October 17th, 2006 05:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I thought *we* were the Judean People's Front?

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