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November 7th, 2007

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08:46 pm - Mom's Free Truck Part II
"That thing," pronounced Charlie, strolling into my office, "is a rolling death trap."

I looked at him for a minute. "So ..." I began, "we're not keeping it?"

"Oh, hell no," he replied, "I could go down to a used car lot right now and buy a truck like this without all those issues for less than it would cost to fix it."

I had to see it. I followed Charlie outside to view Mom's acquisition. Said truck was not, shall we say, in mint condition. The body had been mostly sanded down to bare metal, and although there were spots where paint and bondo still adhered, most of it was steel or rust, heavy on the rust.

Someone had taken a sawz-all to the wheel wells in order to accommodate a larger size tire without actually putting a lift on the body.

The brakes were wonky, the exhaust, instead of exiting near the rear of the vehicle, had somehow been modified to exit directly under the driver's seat, the plastic over the speedometer was so old you could barely see the numbers. The battery was not connected to the choke. The interior was trashed. Leaks abounded.

I looked under the truck. Rust, rust, rust, everywhere.

"This is a HEAP," Charlie said emphatically.

"Hm. Yeah, when you look up 'jalopy' in the dictionary, I think you see this one," I agreed. "So ... what are we going to do with it?"

"No problem," he replied, "I'll have it out of here by this afternoon."

"Oh really?" I was a bit skeptical. "How exactly are you going to do that?"

"Easy!" he said, "I'll just post an ad for it on the Reno four-by-four board. Someone will want it, believe me."

I shrugged. Okay, Charlie generally knew what he was doing when it came to vehicles, so I didn't give it another thought and went back in the house. I heard tapping on the keyboard from Charlie's office for a few minutes, and then, silence.

About five minutes later, the phone began to ring with people interested in the truck. Astonished, I wondered what on earth the ad had said, so I asked Charlie. He laughed, and brought the page up for me to see.


The ad's headline read. Oh my. Tell us how you really feel about the truck, Charlie, I thought. The ad went on to say:

Don't laugh, your daughter may be inside!

A Chevy with almost as much curb appeal as a vehicle hammered and welded together out of 47 separate vehicles with different colors to each panel. Guaranteed to be unsafe at any speed, this "Heartbeat of America" needs a defibrillator ... Free to the first poor SOB that comes to get it today. This hideous POS is a 1979 Chevy PU 4x4 with a trashed interior and exterior and I don't even want to know what the mechanical difficulties may be ... noticed multiple leaks and bleeding master cylinder, 12v not connected to choke, etc, ad nauseum.

The good news is:

Clear title, moves under its own power, 4x4 works, 400 motor w/Edelbrock carb, 35x12.5 tires are in good shape. Give me a call so that I can get the Mom back over here to sign the thing over to you.

FREE gun rack included.

I realized I definitely had something to learn about selling cars. This one ad generated more interest than the one we had for selling our new and decent truck. Perhaps it was the use of the word "defibrillator." I'd have to keep that in mind.

[To be concluded]

(11 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 05:19 am (UTC)
I think it was the use of the word "free". ;) It's a amazing the things people will take off each other's hands.
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 05:58 am (UTC)
"Free POS" works! Honesty in advertising with a liberal dollop of humor will get people to read the ad and laugh, and because it's Free, they'll generously make the effort to take the POS off the hands of the clever person who brightened their day.
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 06:30 am (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAAAA!!! OMG That is Beautiful!... Just, simply (sniff) BEAUTIFUL!
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 06:54 am (UTC)
:::grins::: I remember reading about a guy who advertised, "FREE! Four cute puppies and one ugly little runt." By the end of the day the ad appeared in print, he had given away the 'ugly little runt' five times. I think, for some people, they're just drawn to the underdog.
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
Oh my God, I would totally take the "ugly little runt!"


I'm such a sucker.
Date:November 8th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
Charlie is a freaking genius... and the FREE Gun Rack was a master stroke!

The only way that could have been better was if he'd put it up on Ebay, and I don't think they let you give away stuff for free.
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 02:45 pm (UTC)
Spectacular, that was just what I needed to make me smile. Can't wait to read the rest.
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 02:56 pm (UTC)
you should have taken some shots of Glambo posing in the back.
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 06:20 pm (UTC)
Too FUNNY!!! almost spit coffee on the screen, shoulda warned us about that one. *L*
[User Picture]
Date:November 8th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC)
Well I TRY to make them ALL "spit coffee at the screen funny."

Every so often, I manage it. :-)
[User Picture]
Date:November 9th, 2007 04:44 am (UTC)
I've got some family members Charlie could help me with...

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