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January 14th, 2009

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05:16 pm - The Word of the Day

"So, what's the word?" asked Dad when I got done with my doctor's appointment.

"The word," I replied after a moment, "is 'Ka-Ching'!"

"Ah," Dad said with a tone of commiseration in his voice.

After all, Dad once spent several weeks in the hospital, and is fully cognizant of "Ka-Ching" visits. While he was there, we'd often see doctors come into his room, pick up his chart, say, "How you doing today?" and leave, all in the space of less than a minute.

Doctors, by the way, that we'd never seen before. Doctors who had never seen Dad before. Doctors who, for all I know, may have just entered the wrong room or who were just going from patient to patient like some bizarre medical game of "Trick or Co-Pay."

We'd look at each other, then, in unison, blurt out "Ka-Ching!"

None of these visits were less than eighty bucks on the itemized bill Dad received much later.

So the "Ka-Ching" visit made its way into our normal vocabulary. Outside the hospital environs, such visits are characterized by the doctor A) not telling you anything you didn't already know and B) telling you to keep doing what you're doing and call if it gets any worse.

Oh, and telling you to "lose weight," "gain weight," "quit smoking," "take up smoking," "quit drinking," "take up drinking," or other sage bits of advice that generally fall under A) above.

And then you go pay your co-pay on the way out.

The worst kind of "Ka-Ching" visit is where you have something going on like internal bleeding, massive pain, appendages about to fall off, coughing up blood, or other kinds of things that you'd really hope a doctor would have something useful to say about.

But they don't.

And you're left hoping that whatever it is that's going on won't kill you before your next scheduled appointment -- around six months from now if you're seeing a specialist and if you're lucky.

On the other hand, my doctor is now well on his way to another Lexus payment.


Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

(8 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:January 15th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC)
Yuck. I'm so sorry. I know what that feels like to spend precious time, energy, and money to get little more info from a doctor than you could figure out yourself. So he had no news about what's going on with you? Nothing at all?
[User Picture]
Date:January 17th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
No, no news really. It was totally a "ka-ching" visit. I had already started taking the meds he prescribed (had some left over from last time) so I didn't even get a new scrip out of it.

About all I can say, in my own inimitable and eloquent fashion is this: lol wutev.

Date:January 15th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
Sounds like that visit total failed the directive of "fixing you!" I register my annoyance with the medical system as well. So sorry girlfriend.
[User Picture]
Date:January 17th, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks, kiddo. Bad doctor! No Lexus!
[User Picture]
Date:January 15th, 2009 06:40 am (UTC)
Which appendage is about to fall off?

You might be able to sell it on the internet and pay off the Ka-Ching.

I'm just saying ...
[User Picture]
Date:January 17th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
I can see the eBay ad now:

Date:January 17th, 2009 08:02 am (UTC)
Yes, but you didn't tell us the most important thing - how the visit turned out. You know your friends are worried about you. :-)
[User Picture]
Date:January 17th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
I know, babe. I'll be okay: apparently, I'm just going to be ill for awhile and hope the meds work. Blah blah call the doc if it gets worse yadda yadda. It sucks, but hey, man -- it's life. :-)

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