My FOOT! *sticks his foot in your face!*
Dad looked at me for a second and about died laughing at that. He said, "Well, you know, when I was a kid, I thought there were ten planets in our solar system."
"Ten?" I asked.
"Yeah. Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and Oid."
"Um ... " I said, a bit bemused. "Oid?"
"Yeah, I'd heard people talk about a Planet Oid, so I just figured ... "
I started cracking up.
Dad said with a bit of a chuckle, "I was a dumb kid."
"No, no!" I assured him. "That makes perfect sense to me. It's like 'Don't call me Mapples!'"
When I was five or so, my dad used to say "How do you like them apples?" For some reason, this made me absolutely furious, because I thought he was saying, "How do you like them, Mapples," and I would scream "DON'T CALL ME MAPPLES!!!" It made me SO mad at the time, but now it's just funny as hell.
Then there was the knock knock joke that my little brother would tell. I'll pretend my brother's name was Joey Palmer, in order to protect anyone googling for his actual name, but the joke went like this:
(With the most sincere expression of confusion that the person didn't know the answer,) "Joey PALMER!"
And finally, there was a cartoon show on at some point when I was a kid called "Hair Bear Bunch." I have only the vaguest recollections of this show, but I think it was about a gang of long-haired, hippie, biker Bears. Anyway, that's not really relevant to the story, because just the name stuck in my head. At one point in my childhood, I remember Dad introducing us to knock-knock jokes, and the one he told was "Knock knock. Who's there? Hair. Hair who? Hair today, gone tomorrow!"
This joke wasn't funny. It wan't funny at all. I think we felt a little sorry for Dad, who could only come up with a lame joke like that, so we improved on it. The next time he told it, it went like this:
Me: Knock knock.
Dad: Who's there?
Dad: Hair who?
Me: (at the top of my 5-year-old lungs) HAIR BEAR BUNCH!!!!!
This was the funniest joke ever. My brother and I would tell it over and over and over and it never failed to leave us absolutely busting up laughing with shrieks of "HAIR BEAR BUNCH!!!"
I wonder if the creators of that show realize that they have left this legacy?
Gotta go ... I think I hear the Coffee Table police coming.