mrsveteran (mrsveteran) wrote,

"It came to me at 5:30am" Part III

As I waited for the judging to commence, I had time to consider my entry in a more logical and reasoned manner. Self-doubt set in: would the management team see this as a bitterly ironic stab at the whole idea of the Christmas window decorating contest, or would they, as they should, see it as just "Something crazy that chick in networking dreamed up and thought would be funny?" I did, after all, bring an AK-47 to the company Halloween party. Surely they would recognize that I was just a little twisted, and there was nothing personal about it?

I mean, sure, I thought it was funny, and my fellow employees thought it was funny, but you never can be quite sure how management will take things. Last year, someone did something with, I think, drunken elves or drunken Santa. I'm not exactly sure of the details, except there was big blank spot in the bottom corner of their window decoration, and the rumor mill whispered that an empty booze bottle had been painted into the picture, and the bosses made them take it out because it was "inappropriate to the office environment." Thus, I wasn't quite sure what they would make of "SANTA SUX" or the phrase "SUCK UP," which could also be considered inappropriate.

Hell, the whole thing could be considered wildly inappropriate and unprofessional.

Added to my worry was the fact that I found out, contrary to what I had believed, there actually was some sort of prize in the works (other than, of course, the respect and admiration of your peers). Thus, mentioning that there wasn't even a prize was actually wrong and unfair to the whole management team! (Luckily, they don't read my blog.)

Finally, I should probably confess that part of the idea was actually stolen. Years ago, one of the network administrators at the University regaled me with a story of someone in an office where she'd worked who had a pig of some sort. (This was the same network administrator who, as I recall, had a life-sized cardboard cutout of Mr. Spock by her desk which, one night when she was working late and had someone accidentally forget she was there and turn on the alarm on her, was drawn down on by a somewhat overzealous deputy in our local sheriff's department. But I digress.)

The details are a bit hazy -- I'm assuming it was a stuffed pig, or maybe a picture of a pig, or even a Pig Beanie Baby. At some point, for some reason or another, other people in the office took said pig, and held it for ransom. The only thing I remember about the ransom note is, "wE gOT Da pIg" and the phrase "$1.37 in unmarked bills." The unmarked bills thing has stayed with me as one of the funniest things I'd ever heard, even though I've since forgotten the details of the eventual fate of Da pIg. I hope it made it out alive.

Now, I'm a big fan of Robert A. Heinlein. He always said that there were no new ideas, just old ideas that had been taken up, had the edges ground off, polished up and repainted and presented as new. In the spirit of that, I didn't feel so bad about recycling the $1.37. And, after all, recycling is good for the environment, right? (Well, not according to Penn & Teller, but try to stay with me here, dammit, I'm making a point.)

Anyway, that's how "$1.37 in unmarked bills" made it's way into my Christmas work. After all, what could be funnier than a kidnapping?

One potential problem could be that my boss knows the aforementioned network administrator, and actually, for all I know, could have been working in that office at that time and may even have been the owner of Da pIg. I'm pretty sure that's not the case, but you just don't know.

You just don't.

The judging will be sometime later today. So far, this morning, I still have a job, but I'm not sure my boss has made it into the office yet.

There go my fingernails...

[to be continued when I get the results of the judging, and hopefully, pics]
Tags: elves ransom note, office window

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