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December 23rd, 2005

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03:32 pm - It came to me at 5:30am: The conclusion (yes, really)
(If you're just getting into this, you might want to start with Part I, II, III, and of course, the Intermission (with pics).)

The judging of the Christmas Windows was supposed to have been on Monday. We all waited with breathless anticipation, but apparently, one of the judges had the flu and couldn't make it. Tuesday came and went with no clear winner. And Wednesday. It seemed that everyone I met was asking about the Christmas Windows. "Who won?" they asked. But I didn't know.

"Why do you even care?" demanded sushirob. "You didn't even want to DO this in the first place?"

A good question. A very good question indeed. Why did I care?

I guess it was like so many other things. I'd come up with a wacky idea, thrown together out of bits and pieces of stuff at hand, and somehow hope it would fly, while not expecting it to get off the ground. Things like showing up at the company Halloween party with an AK-47 and a Peg Bundy wig as "Glambo." Things like fed-up elves holding the Christmas decorations hostage.

Yeah, that was me. The Queen of throwing-shit-together-at-the-last-minute. I guess I should know that you can't always be a winner like I was with Glambo. My first clue was when I sent pictures of the windows (and the text of the ransom note, since it's a bit hard to read) to one of my fellow employees who telecommutes from out of state. She's a totally cool and wacky person. I knew she would love our Christmas window!

"Without knowing who did what, I think my favorite would have to be the penguins and second, the recalcitrant elves," she emailed me.

What? SECOND??? Okay, this was a bad sign.

The second bad sign was, as you may recall, the HR Director mentioning that our window could have offended some people. The third was one of the other managers telling me that one of the judges HAD, indeed, found our window offensive. He asked me if that was our intention.

WHAT??? Of course that wasn't our intention! We just thought it would be funny.

And cute.

And inexpensive.

And ... you got a couple of networking/programming geeks together and it escalated. These things happen, you know? But in no way -- in NO way -- was it a commentary on the whole window decorating thing nor intended to be anything other than a light-hearted parody of ... well, of something Christmasy.

Thursday rolled around. It was the day of the company Christmas potluck lunch and pirate gift exchange. Although not feeling well, I dragged myself to the office. Hey, man, sometimes you get good stuff at the pirate gift exchange. I was not going to let my contribution (a giant, green M&M stuffed with a pound of real M&M's) go to waste.

The company closed the office from 12:00 to 1:30 for the celebrations. We feasted until we were about to pop. Santa and Mrs. Claus even made an appearance, and handed out candy canes and a hearty "Ho, ho, ho," to the assembled employees. One of the managers announced that anyone who wanted could have a picture with Santa out by the web design office.

"Not unless it's a picture of him gazing at our window and looking horrified," I muttered to the Tech Support supervisor.

She giggled at me. "You should have asked him how that little labor dispute of his was going," she said mock-solemnly.

I giggled at her. "I wouldn't say I was actually naughty this year," I put in, "except for that little matter of the genocide."

"Well, you know, sometimes you just gotta do it," she said, and we both snickered.

We all trooped out to the common area, where gifts were unwrapped, exchanged, and pirated with glee. The Darth Vader head "change-your-voice" mask was stolen twice in quick succession, as was the package of assorted booze-flavored coffees. Finally, though, we were done. The managers dismissed the crowd, and wished us all a Merry Christmas.

"Hey, wait a minute!" I yelled, "Aren't you going to announce the winners of the window contest?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot!" cried the HR director and yelled for everyone to come back. He disappeared into his office, and returned moments later carrying some envelopes.

"Well," he began, "It was a close race this year, but there was a clear winner." He paused for a moment. Yes, yes, come on, come ON, I thought. Give it to us straight.

"The winner," he said, "of the Christmas window decorating contest, was ... The Elves' Ransom Note."

HA! I turned to Mike and we high-fived. The HR director handed us each an envelope with a gift certificate to Century theaters large enough to not only pay for admission, but also perhaps even a popcorn and a soda. "Good job, everyone," he told us, and we drifted away back to cubicle-land.

As the billing and tech departments began a war over the talking Darth Vader head (stolen from tech by billing during the pirate gift exchange), I considered next year's entry.

Next year: Glambo II: The Vengeance of Santa.

And we all lived happily ever after.

The End.

(11 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 12:30 am (UTC)

[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 12:37 am (UTC)

Date:December 24th, 2005 12:48 am (UTC)
Tho I woulda liked to have seen Santa's reaction :)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 01:38 am (UTC)
Oh man, that's another story in itself: I got a massage pillow. It's sooo cool: it's kind of a beanbag deal with a little massage thingy inside it. I've been having so many problems with my back and neck and joints in general lately, that when the time came, I went up, took and unwrapped my Giant Green M&M and stole the massage pillow from one of the techs.

Later, the web design manager considered stealing the pillow from me, and I said, in a pitiful voice, "Would you really take a massage pillow from a poor, ill person with peripheral arthritis?" and then when he hesitated, I started going, "The pain! The paaaaaaiiiinnnn!"

And he stole someone's Monty Python calendar instead.

So it was all good.
[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 05:40 am (UTC)
I would have taken the pillow from you... AND laughed.
That's right. Laughed. In that crazy mad way that says, "It's all MINE!"

At least... I like to think I would have. It's so hard to know until you are really in that kind of situation if you are going to do the right thing.

Anyway... hope it does the trick, and congrats on the [blink]~*AWARD*~[/blink]! :D
Date:December 24th, 2005 02:24 am (UTC)
And ... you got a couple of networking/programming geeks together and it escalated. These things happen, you know? But in no way -- in NO way -- was it a commentary on the whole window decorating thing nor intended to be anything other than a light-hearted parody of ... well, of something Christmasy.

Oh come on. How can you even write that with a straight face. At the very least your subconcious had a very clear message.
[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 03:43 am (UTC)
Yeah! You pwned that contest!

You got to offend a manager AND still win. Right on!
[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 05:30 am (UTC)
It's nice to see the elves finally get a fair shake. And to see humor prevail. Both are more needed in our world.
[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 04:46 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to hear that your brilliance was rewarded. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that some one found it offensive. Some people are waaaaay too sensitive, plus lack anything recognizable as a sense of humor.
[User Picture]
Date:December 24th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)

You are so freakin' brilliant I wanna kiss you on da mouth.
[User Picture]
Date:December 27th, 2005 08:04 pm (UTC)
hahah YES

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