March 31st, 2006
|04:08 pm - Fun with Co-workers Revisited|
The whole "laying carpet" story reminded me of another great feat in my tradition of frightening Charlie's co-workers. This one was almost legendary in its simplicity and sheer terror value.
At the time, he was working for Color Tile. I called up to ask him something (no idea what) and one of the other sales guys answered the phone. I'd never met this guy, nor had I ever spoken to him while calling for Charlie, so he had no idea who he was talking to. The conversation went something like this:
"Hi," I said pleasantly. "Can I talk to Charlie for a minute please?"
"Sure," says the unfortunate victim cheerfully. "Is this his wife?"
I paused for a single, dramatic moment.
"His WIFE?" I shrieked at the volume that only years of voice training and community theater can produce.
"He's MARRIED?" I continued, more outraged than you could ever imagine. "You get that son of a bitch on the phone RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
Generally, the phenomenon of someone turning pale is a visual thing, but I swear to you, I could hear the blood draining from this guy's face at the thought that he had just wrecked his buddy's little "on-the-side" nookie deal. I think this is a guy thing: you do not ruin another guy's nookie. It simply isn't the done thing, don't you know. Terribly gauche.
Plus, Charlie can be kind of intimidating physically. He's not a huge guy, but he's one of those guys that just gives the impression that you really shouldn't piss him off or you could easily get a quick and free ride to Having Your Head Crushed Like A Beer Can Town.
But I digress. In the background, I can hear this guy's terrified babbling and abject apologies as he explains to Charlie that "Dude, there's a girl on the phone for you, and I think it's your girlfriend, and holy shit, I mentioned your wife and she's freaking out man, I am so fucking sorry oh my God."
Charlie says, "Um, I think I'm going to take this call in the back," and he goes back into the employees-only area where no one can hear him.
"Hey, honey, what's up?" I say happily.
"Not much, but I think Jason just wet his pants out there," Charlie replied. "What did you say to him?"
I related the conversation to him.
Once again, Charlie and I about DIED laughing.
I try to use my powers only for good, but you know, sometimes, you just can't resist.
*L* You are so fucking evil!!!
I love it! >:D
You don't just use your powers for good, you use them for awesome! *L*
I've been really tempted when his female classmates call to yell out, "Honey! I think it's your girlfriend!"
I haven't actually done it though.
Either that, or in an old-lady type voice with a Spanish accent, "No, no, Charlie no está en casa. Okay? No no," and hang up.
That's so awesome. I love it!
I worship at your altar of greatness.
Truly I am blessed to read of your escapades.
*chants Mony Mony in honor of you*
Powers for good? Powers for good? When the hell have you ever used your powers for good?
Takes "Instilling Psychosis in Friends and Neighbors" FTW!
You are truly my role model. I can only dream of reaching a fraction of your greatness.
: bows :