I think ... that may be over.
The last time I got really ill was last March. I dropped about 35 pounds because I couldn't eat. I lost like damn near all my muscle mass, clothes didn't fit, felt awful. Hey, being smaller was nice, but ... I just haven't felt well for a long time.
So ... somewhere in the last couple of months, something snapped, and I thought, I've got to try to get my strength back. So I joined FitDay.com and started keeping a food journal -- not to lose weight, but to see if I was getting all the nutrition I needed or whatever since I'm still pretty restricted on what I can eat without problems. I found some serious lackage in some vitamins and protein, so started taking some supplements. In about a week, I started feeling better.
So I started working out.
Bought a treadmill, and started doing strength-training on the weight set that has been somewhat dusty for the last couple of years. My husband used to bodybuild, so he's been a big help in showing me the correct form so I don't hurt myself. (Plus, it lets me sneak in time with him -- "Honeeeeey, can you come spot me? I forgot how to do that one thing with the lat pulldowns you showed me and you are so good at the weight thing ..."
Hey, anything to get the Man away from the TV, you know?
And now ... I feel fucking FANTASTIC. I mean, I feel wonderful. I feel better than I've felt in years. You know what I did last week? I took the week off and just drove all around the area to all these places I'd driven past but never gone into, and I went shopping!
I found this amazing authentic Austrian bakery just down the street. I got kicked out of Lane Bryant in the mall ("Um ... ma'am, this is a PLUS sized store. I don't think we really HAVE anything for you here."). I hit GNC and got some other supplements. I drove out to Carson City and hung out with my grandmother.
I just ... got out of the house every single day and did whatever the hell I wanted! You may not think this is a big deal, but when you've been barely able to get out at all for 3 or more years, it is a really big deal.
I did mad shopping for clothes, too. Now, I can get into some size 4 things. SIZE 4. Holy shit. That is huge.
Or ... it's small.
I mean, it's a huge thing.
For me, in my life and stuff.
Since I used to be a size 18 or so which is ... oh never mind.
Of course, the bizarre thing is that of all the new clothes I got, the one size 4 thing seriously makes me look chunky where the size 6's and 8's dont. How the fuck is that possible?
The point is that I'm feeling great. I'm getting out, I'm doing things, I'm almost ready to start writing again, and I am really, really happy about almost everything in my life.
And ... I think ...
I think it's about damn time.