mrsveteran (mrsveteran) wrote,

Quote of the Day

Today's quote was inspired by a new set of television commercials for Domino's Pizza. Apparently, this excellent gourmet establishment is now offering free mini fudge brownies with the purchase of a large pizza. To illustrate this, the commercial shows a Domino's delivery person appearing at the well-kept, upper-middle-class home of a lovely and tidily dressed woman and what is apparently her little girl. Accompanying said delivery person is a three-foot-tall brown, fuzzy, and somewhat matted squareish thing with legs.

Said brown square is introduced as "Fudgeums."

The aforementioned lovely and tidily dressed woman shakes hands with Fudgeums.

She pulls her hand back covered with a rather messy brown liquidy substance that I suppose is supposed to be chocolate. (Dear God I HOPE it's supposed to be chocolate. The alternative is just ... no, no. Too horrible to contemplate. Especially with that cute Carole Little vest she's wearing.)

She stares at her hand in horror for a second, then emits a high-pitched nervous giggle.

The delivery person looks a bit embarrassed.

Suddenly, the little girl runs up and throws a hug on Fudgeums.

She backs off, and is covered from head to toe in the same messy brown liquidy substance, making her appear as though she's been in a chocolate syrup fight or a mud wrestling pit. (Or perhaps on a slip-n-slide trip through the local sewers. It's that kind of brown.)

More giggling ensues, while the woman is obviously not quite sure what to do with the affected hand.

The delivery person leaves, followed closely by Fudgeums who leaves brown footprints all the way down the neat and clean concrete walkway. In a Leave It to Beaver tone of voice, the woman says "Ohhhh, FUDGEums!"

It was at this point that, after a brief silence, Charlie turned and said to me what I would now like to share with you.

As the Quote of the Day.

And that is this:

"If Fudgeums came to my door, I'd put a fucking bullet in him."

And really, what wiser and more profound words were ever spoken?
Tags: charlie, commercials, domino's, quotes
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