Okay, so, I'm sure a lot of us have been getting these "cum like a pronstar" kinds of spams lately. Fortunately for me, I have my mail client set up not to show images, so most of these messages are just random words from various classic novels like the Count of Monte Cristo.
This has left me with a bit of a puzzle. First of all, why would one want to "cum like a pronstar" or "increase sperm volume 2,000%?" Maybe I'm missing something here, but to me it sounds a bit like just making a bigger mess without gaining any extra pleasure or anything.
Today, I received a spam that actually spells out the answer to this question. It states, and I quote:
I gotta tell you something. Some years ago I used to watch porno often. I always admired those guys cumming.
They splashed out so much sperm on their girls, it looked so cool, so manlike.
Now I have a girlfriend.. but quantity of my sperm was so scanty, that I felt ill at ease.>
Now, I don't know who this guy is, but he's got some serious issues. I mean ... "it looked so cool, so manlike." What. The. Fuck?
Oh, and another thing dude: your scanty sperm means a smaller wet spot to sleep on. I'd bet a few bucks that your girlfriend is happier with the scantiness then with the max volume, all right?
Oh, but yes, yes. To be a real man, you just need a large volume of semen. Okay. I was unaware of this. I thought masculinity was made up of other qualities, but okay. Obviously this guy was suffering.
And get this:
I was advised to eat green apples but even this didn't help.
He was sad. Sad and desperate. Green apples, for God's sake! The torture!
Luckily for him, there is this product that changed his life.
It's called "WONDERCUM."
Yes, I shit you not, there is a product on the market somewhere in spam land called "WONDERCUM."
And people actually buy it, otherwise there would be no need to spam about it.
Because, apparently, if you can't splash out sperm like the porn stars, then the terrorists have won.
God Bless America.