mrsveteran (mrsveteran) wrote,

The Ultimate Halloween Challenge

It's that most wonderful time of the year again. The trees are turning colors, gracing the fields with their riotous display of autumn elegance. School is back in session, and the youngsters are, for the most part, off the streets. The crisp, cool air makes a welcome change from the heat of summer, and we can, once again, snuggle under the down comforters.

Of course, you realize what that means.

That's right: the Office Halloween Party is coming up, and once again, I have no idea what to do.

Now, some of you may remember my ultimate triumph of last year with Glambo, the AK-47-wielding, pink-marabou-tiara-wearing, arbiter of all that is stylish.

The question that remains is, how do I top that, and is it even worthwhile to make the attempt?

Glambo, after all, turned out to be a feat of sheer brilliance. Born in desperation at the last minute (the very day of the Halloween party, mind you) and voted upon by my LJ friends list, Glambo was, perhaps, the epitome of what one might call ... well ... wrong.

I mean, really wrong.

Glambo was wrong on so many levels it would take years to enumerate them.

First of all, there was the Hello!Kitty AK-47, decorated with dangling ribbons and bows. This was an actual AK that we happened to have lying around the house (I believe it was the Bulgarian one because our Chinese one needed cleaning) and so we ended up with an employee bringing an actual, operating (yet unloaded) weapon to the office party.

Then, there was the Peg Bundy wig. I don't think I need to elaborate on the wrongness of that, do I? No, I didn't think so.

There were the spike-heeled black boots in place of combat boots, the warm-weather BDU pants topped with the skin-tight black sweater and tons of jewelry.

And of course, there was the dialogue.

"Why camoflage when you can GLAM-o-flage?" Glambo would say happily, in a voice similar to the one in which Barbie used to say "Math class is TOUGH!"

"Remember, the AK-47 never goes with plaid," offered Glambo in one of several important tips on avoiding fashion disaster at the firing range.

This time, though. This time, I have an entire week before the party. Surely I'll be able to come up with something! Or you, my dear friends, will be able to contribute your suggestions to this important project.

Thus, I ask you: what in the world can A) top Glambo and B) be accomplished merely with things to be found around a normal household?

Well, okay, not a normal household, but my household.

I know you won't let me down.

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