Subject: Halloween Party question
Hi. Can I bring an AK-47 to the Halloween party? It's part of my costume.
I waited awhile. Luckily, I work for an Internet company, so within minutes, I received a response:
Subject: Re: Halloween Party question
Sure, but we'd sort of prefer that it not be loaded.
My heart leapt with joy! Well, okay, it didn't really, but I definitely felt much more comfortable having permission. I put the finishing touches on my outfit, hoisted the AK, and went out to meet my mom (who also worked for the same company and was, this year, wearing one of my more ornate salwar kameez outfits from India and going as "A Mysterious Stranger from the East").
Mom did a bit of a double-take when she saw the weapon. "Um, honey, are you really taking a gun to the party?" The look on her face was a cross between incredulity, sheer horror, and speculation upon whether or not she should immediately call 911 or the local mental health services office. You've all, I'm sure, seen that very look before.
Or maybe it's just me.
"It's cool, Mom," I reassured her. "I got permission from the managers."
Mom looked unconvinced. "Yes, but, well, I mean ... a gun," she said, "are you sure you really want to take that? Don't you think it might make people a little nervous?"
"Well, it is Halloween, after all," I said blithely. "Besides, look: I've got the receiver stuffed with Hello!Kitty. Even if it was loaded, there's no way it would fire." I showed her my intricate feat of glamorization.
"Hm," was all she said, gazing at me skeptically.
I could tell she still wasn't thrilled about the idea, but then again, when your daughter does things like join the Army and become a web programmer, I guess you get a bit used to bizarre decisions such as this. We got into the car, and headed out to the party.
Soon, it became obvious that Glambo was a hit. I would gesture with my bright red nails and make statements such as, "Why camouflage when you can GLAM-o-flage!" and "Never wear desert fatigues after Labor Day." People were fascinated with the weapon. Some didn't think it was real until I got into a conversation with a fellow firearm enthusiast.
"Hey, isn't that one of the Bulgarian models?" the vampire asked me.
"Yup!" I said, grinning, as I hefted it and handed it over for inspection.
"How's it fire?" he asked, checking out the sights and the balance.
"Not bad, although you need to get the right ammo," I replied. "We got several thousand rounds of actual Bulgarian stock but that stuff misfires and causes jams like you wouldn't believe."
"Yeah, American-made ammo has always worked the best for me."
The Joel Grey character from Cabaret interrupted us. "Wait," he said, his eyes going wide, "You mean that thing is REAL?"
The vampire and I just looked at him. "Well, duh," I said.
"Can't you tell by how it hangs?" asked the vampire, as though asking, "Can't you tell if the sun is shining on a cloudless day?"
Cabaret dude backed off a few feet. "Well ... well ... I mean ..." he stammered, "isn't that DANGEROUS? I mean, bringing a real gun around people?"
The vampire and I rolled our eyes as if to say, "Civilians. Pfeh."
"Well, for one thing, it's not loaded," I said gently. "For another, even if it was loaded, Hello!Kitty here is blocking the receiver so it couldn't fire regardless. Other than completely removing the bolt and/or the firing pin, you can't really make it much safer than that."
"Yeah, well, but STILL!" Cabaret dude was obviously not a gun person. He backed away and disappeared around the corner. I chatted with the vampire for awhile longer about different weapons and which ones seemed to work best for various distances and targets. Suddenly, they called for attention: the costume contest judging was about to begin!
This was it. This would be my moment of truth. Would the Glambo idea, thrown together at the last minute in desperation with finishing details garnered from blog comments overcome some of the many amazing and authentic and even funny costumes?
[to be continued here.]