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November 8th, 2006
Doesn't eggnog contain "holiday cheer"? Maybe you should fill him up. But then he may have an absorption problem because his enzymes are all wonky. Nothing worse than holiday cheer gone bad and swimming around the gut, bumping into things in dark corners and mugging the cookies of their sprinkles. Perhaps you could recharge him by smiling real big and shouting "Happy Holidays!" up close to his face, to make sure he gets maximum exposure. Make sure you wave something holiday-ish in your hands.
Duuuuuuuude. I think the in-your-face thing would deduct like 4 hours per second.
And we really can't afford that.
Try more sprinkles.
That's good to be aware of one's cheer allottment. I mean, imagine if he went into negative cheer: the active hostility toward the idea of giving, the burning of santa in effigy, the taunting of fresh-faced children, the kicking of reindeer.
The gifting of a talking South Park Towelly doll that does not, amongst its other articulations, say "You guys wanna get high?" ...
The Karl Marx doll that warns against commodity fetishism ...
The urge to see what the Christmas tree would look like on fire... Course that just comes with the "being a guy" territory.
BTDT... once sorta by accident and once delibratly! It's defintly a guy thing.
"hey dude, figure if we double the voltage on the tree lights from 12 to 24 volts, they'll maybe glow twice as bright?"
"Dunno, go for it and lets see!"
"Ummm...guess not! Hey, where'd I put those marshmellows? S'mors anyone?"
The key is to convince him to get christmas gifts before the expendature of cheer.
Personally, I think the sooner the holiday cheer is allocated, the happier we will all be.
Still, if you need to temporarily increase cheer production, you can have him watch Friday After Next
Btw, I just checked and there actually *is* a karl marx doll. http://www.shoprockcandy.com/karlmarxdoll.html
I think I may have to get this for my one-year-old niece for xmas. Aah, her first ironic present.
Hey, being a Grinch at Christmas makes me really happy!
I mean, you have any idea how infrequntly I get a really good excuse to break out the boiling oil and the flame throwers? And yet, at Christmas, one has Carol Singers!
Dude! Targets that come to you! And they stand there, asking to be immolated...
And then you can roast chestnuts on the embers!
Makes my cheer levels go soaring I tell ya!
Hmm, I see that cheer involves some complicated maths.
Cheer appears to be both positively and negatively correlated with annoyance, depending on whether annoyance leads to violence (resulting in emotional release and an increase in cheer) or if it leads to total breakdown and shutdown of mental faculties (resulting in negative cheer). This assumes that conspicuous displays of holiday spirit result in annoyance, but I think that is a fair assumption.
I think this really needs to be graphed.
Preferably, using the quadratic formula.
And a slide-ruler.
I am SO stealing Charlie's formula.
I will have to admit that I smiled (and yes it hurt...) reading the responses so I guess I'll have to make a token deposit in the Cheer account. While I don't think it would be a good idea to burn carolers to death, I will most likely kick them in the junk, smileandlaugh, and ask them: "Where's your'e f'n Christmas sprit now!" This and making the old lady at WalMart load a bunch of heavy shite into my vehicle until I hear something snap (on the old woman, not my vehicle) will go a long way towards making me happy.
Christmas sucks and should only occur once every 5 years.
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