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September 8th, 2004

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02:05 pm - Birthday Policy
If you're reading this, then you're probably either my friend, or someone who could possibly, at some point in the future, become my friend. In either case, I think it's important to make clear my official policy on birthdays.

The rules are as follows:

  1. I will not remember your birthday until I have known you at least 30 years, and potentially, not even then.

    I can assure you wholeheartedly that this is not due to any lack of concern, love, respect, or affection for you on my part. Rather, it is due to the fact that I barely remember my own birthday (and then only because sometimes people give me stuff out of the blue), or my husband's (and then only because my Mom generally reminds me), or my family's (Mom or Dad reminds me), and so on.

    Therefore: should you wish me to remember your birthday, you must provide for me, in writing, your full date of birth (year optional), your full name (nicknames acceptable), and any potential birthday preferences no less than six (6) months in advance, and preferably in triplicate.

  2. I will not even attempt to get you anything for your birthday ever unless all of the following conditions are met:

    1. You want something that I can afford to buy.

    2. You (or a designated third party) make it expressly and vividly clear exactly what make, model, size, color, fabric, wood grain, brand and/or trademark of said something you want and

    3. You (or a designated third party) remind me at least several times in advance of your birthday that your birthday is coming up on such-and-such date and shouldn't I get off my ass and order that Brand X Size 8 Purple Fluffy Mo-Getter from Amazon.

  3. If you tell me when your birthday is, and then tell me, "But don't get me anything, really," I reserve the right to take one or more of the following actions:

    1. Not get you anything,

    2. Get you something lame like a one (1) dollar Amazon gift certificate or a Happy Meal toy,

    3. Get you an amusing card which states, in part, "Ha ha, I didn't get you anything" or

    4. Get you something that I really like, but you probably won't, in the hopes that it will sit in your closet and collect dust until you can't stand it anymore and give it back to me.

  4. You may not get me anything for my birthday, ever, unless you are prepared to happily accept the fact that I will very likely forget yours altogether, every single year, until you've known me at least 30 years. Call it one of those endearing personal quirks -- it's much nicer than several other things you can call it.

Being my friend constitutes acceptance of the Birthday Policy stated herein and all rights and privileges thereunto appertaining.

That is all.

(13 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:September 8th, 2004 03:30 pm (UTC)
Great, now i need a lawyer to go over this.
[User Picture]
Date:September 8th, 2004 07:06 pm (UTC)
Just the standard formal contract. You can just sign it. Really.
[User Picture]
Date:September 8th, 2004 03:48 pm (UTC)
Honey, I've gotten one x-mas card, a postcard and a b-day card from you in the last two and a half years.

I no longer expect mail from you.

Although, I will be turning 35 (0.o) in less than six months and do expect you to post in the b-day thread that is started for me at the Box. Yes, I will PM you with a link to said thread.

* smoooooooochies *
[User Picture]
Date:September 8th, 2004 07:05 pm (UTC)
"Yes, I will PM you with a link to said thread."

In triplicate, mind you.
[User Picture]
Date:September 9th, 2004 07:17 am (UTC)
I can do that.
[User Picture]
Date:October 20th, 2004 10:49 am (UTC)
As there is not longer a Wil Wheaton SoapBox, you will now be expected to post in your LJ wishing me a happy whatever. I will e-mail you the code the night before, when I get up that morning and again at lunch time.
Date:September 8th, 2004 07:52 pm (UTC)
I've only had one birthday in my life, and I've at least partially regretted it ever since.

No worries here. ;)

[User Picture]
Date:September 9th, 2004 07:58 am (UTC)
I need to steal that form... *LOL*

I am TERRIBLE at remembering bdays. :?
I know my family's... well, everyones but my dad's. Don't ask me why, I keep asking every year, and retold... but within 5 minutes, the info is in one ear and right out the other. I know the approximate WEEK its in, (right before st patty's day) but the physical day has some mental blockade.
Somehow I managed to remember and call to wish my parents a happy anniversary this weekend though, so I suppose it evens out in the end.

that said, if you do not share genetic code with me, the chances of me remembering squat is slim to none.
[User Picture]
Date:September 9th, 2004 02:28 pm (UTC)
Heh. Steal away. I'd love nothing better than to eventually have this emailed to me by one of my friends who only ever email me things that have been floating around the net forever.

Then, my friends: then, I will have arrived.

Yes, indeed.
[User Picture]
Date:September 9th, 2004 08:22 am (UTC)
geez are you a guy or what? ;)

I'm the birthday master. I have this reminder service via AOL which emails 2 weeks prior and then four days. It's genius. Genniussss.

when is your bday MrsV Hmmm?????
[User Picture]
Date:September 9th, 2004 11:23 am (UTC)
I often forget that she's not a guy. Then she goes off and does some girlie thing and I just glower in disapproval.

Her birthday is soon.

I wonder if Shree will go for this contract.. her birthday is coming up quick too.

[User Picture]
Date:September 9th, 2004 02:29 pm (UTC)
It's Oct 30. :-)
[User Picture]
Date:September 10th, 2004 06:49 am (UTC)
What a cool day for your birthday! :D

I'm not sure I'll sign it. I have to think this over.

A lot.


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