|07:48 am - Out of the Darkness|
It's funny, isn't it, how sometimes, even when everything is really fine, a small misunderstanding can get blown so out of proportion that it seems impossible to overcome? You can look around and say, "Hey, I have a roof over my head, a job, medical insurance (if you can call it that), enough food to eat, a loving family, and so forth," and somehow it still just seems as though everything is hopeless and dark and none of that means much.
Then there's the ever popular, "Hey, look at all the people who have it worse than you!" Of course, this doesn't really do much more than make you feel guilty for being sad or depressed when others are so much worse off.
In a way, sometimes I think a simple, "Sucks to be you" is the most cheerful and cheering thing you can hear. It's somehow an acknowledgement and a validation of the fact that, yes, sometimes it does, in fact, suck to be me, and that the suckery is unrelated to surrounding actual circumstances or whether or not things are really going fine.
What all this comes down to, I suppose, is that while most of the time, I'm pretty much upbeat, there are times that I descend unwillingly into the depths of despair and depression. Personally, I blame hormones and brain chemistry, not to mention drug interactions or side-effects. I can look at things completely logically and know that there's no reason to be down, but unfortunately, those tricksy chemical reactions won't let the logic do its job. The last month or so has been spent trying to keep my head above water in a proverbial emotional sea, and I think I've reached the shore.
For those of you who've supported me through this whackery, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who also suffer from depression from time to time, I'm posting this publicly and not friends-only just to say you're not alone.
Now. Did I ever tell you the story of my cat Pouncer and the "back rubs" trick?