March 27th, 2007
|07:21 am - No One Ever is to Blame|
"Hello?" I answered the phone.
"You put your clothes away, didn't you?" came Rob's voice accusingly from the other end.
I looked outside. It was snowing. Ah, that explained it. The previous week, Rob and I were on our way to our mostly-weekly sushi feast ("All-You-Can-Eat Sushi only $12.95!"), and the weather was gorgeous: warm, lovely, clear, and bright.
"You know," I said, "It's been so nice out lately that I was thinking of ..."
"DON'T you DARE!" Rob cut me off.
I looked at him. "What?"
"Don't you DARE put your winter clothes away," he said emphatically. "You know what happened last time."
"Actually, I wasn't even thinking about the clothes yet," I told him, "I was thinking about shaving Chewie down for the summer." (For those of you who haven't met Chewie, he's our Cocker Spaniel. During the winter, we let his hair grow out so that he looks rather like a grizzly bear cub with a dog mask on. Or a dog in a grizzly bear suit. But I digress.)
"Don't you DARE," Rob repeated. "You know if you do that it's going to snow again."
"Yeah, I'm still not quite convinced it's really Spring yet," I agreed.
And that was that. This weekend, Charlie had been trying to get me to shave Chewie down for the Spring/Summer, but I held fast. I also did not put my winter clothes away. So the snow was not, could not be, in any way shape or form, my fault.
Now I only had to convince Rob.
"I didn't!" I protested. "And I didn't shave Chewie down either!"
"Well, you must have done something!" he yelled. "banshree hates you, by the way."
"Oh, come ON!" I yelled back, "this is in NO way my fault! You can't blame me this time. I didn't even turn off the pellet stove for the winter."
Charlie came outside at that point to see what was going on (I was outside smoking a cigarette and looking incredulously at the snow falling). "Who's that?" he asked curiously.
"It's Rob," I replied. "He's trying to blame me for the snow."
"Snow?" said Charlie, "This isn't snow."
And true, at this point it was a bit wet as snows go, but it was definitely snow.
"Charlie says it isn't snow," I relayed to Rob.
"Oh, well then we've got a whole helluva lot of WHITE RAIN covering our lawn and our driveway," said Rob sarcastically.
"It's snowing at Rob's, and it's sticking," I told Charlie.
"Not snow," he repeated, "Just a very cold rain."
I stared at him. There were snowflakes sticking here and there to his shirt.
"Honey," I said gently, "There are snowflakes. On your shirt. It is snowing."
He looked down, and brushed them off with a look of disdain. "That's just rain beading up on the material," he insisted.
I decided to go back inside. "Charlie refuses to believe it's snowing," I informed Rob.
"Sleet! I'll give you sleet," Charlie yelled from outside the door.
"I still know this is your fault," said Rob.
I sighed. "Okay, fine. But it's not my fault. So unless you'd like to berate me some more for this snow for which I am in no way to blame, I'm gonna let you go."
"I totally blame you," said Rob.
"Okay, tell you what. I'm going to hang up, and if you think of a concrete and logical reason to blame me for the snow, you give me a call back."
"Ohhhh ... you.....all right."
Damn woman, is there ANYTHING you can't do? Fail the devil at maths, kidnap Santa, make beaded jewelry, you're GLAMBO for frak's sake! Now you're controlling the WEATHER??
Quiet, you fool, you'll blow my cover!
That ability of calm, self-assured denial is part of why Charlie is my hero.
It is one of his more charming qualities.
Or personality flaws. I keep getting those mixed up.
Why, is that song running through your head now? :-)
oh! oh! You shaved part of chewy, so there was a partial snow, ergo it is your fault.
you can not fault my logic.
|Date:||March 27th, 2007 05:26 pm (UTC)|| |
Charlie's right. It wasn't exactly snow. The uncontrollable urge to sing O Canada is a side effect that I'm sure you can live with and don't be alarmed when your dog starts chewing down trees.
He does that already. Why do you think we call him "Chewie?"
|Date:||March 27th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)|| |
Come shave your dog here (that sounds dodgier than I meant it to), I'd love for us to have snow which actually sticks and I can play in it.
At least I don't shave down the cats for summer, or that would really have the potential to sound dodgy. heheheh!
It didn't stick much here -- it was all pretty much melted by noon.
This was your doing?! You bitch!
You did shave most of Chewie.
Oh shit... I shaved most of the cat. Maybe the combined efforts of those two acts are our downfall into this white abyss of death.
I didn't know. o.0
So it was YOU!!!
I'm telling Rob. Boy are you in trouble.
And I did not shave most of Chewie! Maybe 1/4 at most.
as long as you keep it on your side of the rockies beeeyotch~!
Hmmm... it's been in the 80's here. Do you think you somehow affected that? If you did, it's freakin' AWESOME!
I forget... is it affect or effect?
*wanders off confuzzled*
In this case, "affect." I affected the weather, causing the effect of 80-degree temperatures.
Well, ever since his car engine mysteriously started belching smoke and flames while we were at a red light together, a friend of mine has blamed me for "setting his car on fire" and every mechanical or technological thing that goes wonky when I'm visiting.
(He efficiently dashed to get a fire extinguisher from his trunk and put out the flames, so no real harm was done, and the engine was fixed.)
He says I have "Destructo Rays." You, with your ability to control the weather, and me with my Destructo Rays ... we're like X-Men or something!
::sekritly plots to take over the world::
It's Weather Girl and Destructo Lass! Fighting crime and smelling fabulous!
"Sir, put down the gun and step away from the vehicle, or I'll have to shave this here dog. I'll do it, too, so no funny business!"
"Okay, okay! Don't get excited! Hey, you smell yummy! What is that?"
"It's Cottonmouth and Candy Butcher. Now shut up, you're under arrest. Book 'im, Destructo Lass!"
Hey. I don't have Cottonmouth! I have most of the Snake Pits ... except for, I think, three? That's one of them. Is it good? And are you wearing it *with* Candy Butcher? Layered? (I think I'm going to cave & get Candy Butcher.)
(I need to respond to your other email! I'll get there ...)
I have Cottonmouth on the back of my hand and Candy Butcher on my wrist, so the scents are sort of almost layered.
Cottonmouth is like Snake Oil only sweeter.